Yeah, I’ve been a walking cheeseball since last night. I was getting my hair done when my ex bf called me back. Yahhhhhhhh! I was cheesing so fucking hard, yo! We made plans to hang out Tuesday. I mean, I’m just gonna let things flow. I’m not gonna try extra hard to make things work because I want it to be a 2 way street. I don’t wanna seem like I’m forcefull, yanno? All I see is pink & blue, oh yayur! I called him back after I finished getting my hair back [of course he didn’t pick up] & called back at 1 friggin am talembout “why are you still wide awake?” I admit, I miss his little grilling techniques. I’m just hoping & pleading I get him AND this frickin’ job! I’d be completeeeeee. We were on the phone for like 2 hrs last night. I wish he didn’t get all super sleepy. But shit I was drowsy too but I was fighting it. Crystal H. was like “You like him a lot more than you wanna give yourself credit for” & “You like him like him like him a lot a lot” I put down my walls and shit and actually told him I missed him a lot even though shit hasn’t been cool between us. Aw! I’m still a G though. But being a G won’t fly if I want it to work. He was telling me he was sorry for yelling at me all those times and the times he was mean to me when we were together. He said he’s trying to grow up, negro got’s a job now and alladat good shiet. Is it too good to be true? Is he actually a changed person? But, hanging out with him hopefully he’s on his shit because right now…I still can only picture myself with him. I thought Sergio was the one…pft. I’m done wasting time. And yeah some people may think I’m wasting time on Marcus, but he’s such a good person on he inside and I know what he’s capable of as a person. I just want to walk out of it this time knowing I tried & I am capable of putting my gaurd down. I just hope he’s mature to handle my fuckin’ heart & not do what he did last time & to come to me if he has any problems. But it friggin bothers me that he’s still friends with my ex-best friend. I just hope she doesn’t fuck this up even though we haven’t talked since April. I’m kinda nervous…like REALLY nervous and anxious that I hope he doesn’t bull shit on Tuesday.

It’s crazy how the name “Jocelyn” pops up on tv. On 16 & Pregnant and some bartender on The Real World: Cancun. My name is actually hot shit. Ahaaaaa!